When I find myself drifting into believing that the Fuckface cheater and skank whore will have a happily ever after, I remind myself that this is the very man who habitually misdirected and blundered every two-car parade he was assigned grand marshal. And this is the woman, who has been married and divorced three times, willingly participated in a relationship with a married man, and who cannot keep her adult children in her life. Not to mention both of them excessively drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes (as in, every single day of the week. Who lives like that, but trash?). To think/believe otherwise would deny my own experiences, my own reality. He will have no happily ever after. That’s not wishful thinking, it is fact. For all the years that I was grateful for him, the reality was, he should’ve been the one grateful. I propped him up, not the other way around.
I am aware of how a woman can bash a man that she initially chose to marry. It’s easy. I would even say it’s human nature. The fact is, most people (including me) find justification/rationalization for someone’s behavior in real time because they need to, mentally. We do this for several reasons I suppose. Mainly, because regardless of how cynical our society has become as a whole, individually, most people tend to remain optimistic regarding their own circumstances. If not, everyone would be quitters. Who wants to believe what their spouse is doing is gloom and doom while he is actually engaging in that behavior? I’m speaking specifically here of my ex-husband’s uncanny ability to lose every dollar that has ever entered in his bank account.
One time around our seventh year of marriage, I confided in a woman at school about how my husband spent too much money and that it looked as if not only would we never get financially ahead, but also we would never buy a house. I was lucky to have her in school. Most of the students were half our age, and she enjoyed literature as much as I did. Although I did found it odd that she was never interested in extending our friendship outside of school, even after she told me so many personal things about herself and family. Anyway, when I told her about my concern with my husband’s spending, she told me how her husband had been the same way. That there was a time that she was at her wit’s end, the way I was at that very moment. Miraculously around their thirteenth year of marriage, his view of money changed and they were able to get out of debt and save for a house. I held on to that little nugget as some sort of proof, hope really, that the same would happen in my own marriage. In hindsight, it was all in vain. As the years progressed, his spending became insatiable. What he could not get by his own means, he siphoned off me by the way of my credit score.
This takes me back to how I know he will not suddenly become a great financial manager that he has been unable to be during our twenty years of marriage. For one thing, all these years and he still has no college degree. Not even an associate degree from a community college. I mention this because he hasn’t had any problem milking the government for V.A. benefits to pay for his education that hasn’t gotten anywhere. All those benefits and nothing to show for it. If anything, now he has more time to milk and more benefits to receive since ITT (was one of the largest for-profit “educators” in the US). Unlike other students, whose Pell grants and financial aid are gone after so many months of school (if there wasn’t a limit some students would go to school forever), his was forgiven because of ITT’s failure. He wouldn’t listen to me when I told him that ITT was not a real school. Of course he didn’t, he didn’t want the challenge of a proper education. Anyway, ITT’s closure means that he gets to start all over. Debts forgiven. Pell grant starts from scratch. The GI bill clock rolls back. It’s not as if he sits in those classes and uses them as opportunities to grow and reflect to become a better person. He does the minimum required to get the monthly check, more money to blow on alcohol, cigarettes, frivolous purchases, and ugly presents for his mother and whore.
The man’s taste in jewelry and clothes is abhorrent, —very similar to his mother’s. He equates something costing a lot to mean tasteful. No gentle nudging throughout the twenty years we were married ever helped him change directions. Our daughter was in tears when he brought home her school clothes for the start of her fourth grade year. She looked like a mini-version of his mother with all of those long floral and large metallic print tunics and crushed velvet leggings. All he kept going on about was how it was $600 and how could $600 for seven outfits be wrong. Luckily, we (me and the girl) were able to return it all and get clothes more suitable for a fourth grader before school started. He sulked for months. We paid the price too. Each year after that he lowered the amount allocated for her clothes. Eventually, I had to start charging her clothes on my credit cards and then plead with him to pay the monthly minimum. Yet, he never had any money. Mr. six-figure salary never had any money. That is how the siphoning begins.
When I was working on my first B.A., he tore at every paper I wrote. I only presented them to him because early on he took on the superior role of having a better foundational education than me, since, as he enjoyed reminding me, and in front of company (mostly his family), I had attended a high school that John Hopkins would go on to nickname a “Drop Out Factory.” I remember trying to argue, “What does high school matter now, I have two college degrees.” Nevertheless, his family would act as if I said nothing and they would continue to join forces and focus on the reputation of my high school. Not that his high school was a top rated high school but it was certainly ranked higher than mine was. If they were to move pass my high school and compare our educational accomplishments, then they would lose the superior position. Naturally, any education after high school was off limits for comparison purposes.
Anyway, all this to tell you how I have a reason to crow. The whore has held on to her house through three marriages. Records show that it was bought in 1987 with her first husband. During each of her divorces, she kept the house. Unless she refinanced it, it should be paid off or damn near. I was thinking Fuckface would try to sell our house or let it go into foreclosure. I didn’t think this before I confronted him about cheating, but began thinking it after I saw his reaction at something I said to him the night I confronted him. I asked him what did he plan on doing with the house because I certainly didn’t want an upside down house (he had refinanced it just 11 months after buying it, –in his name only), nor was I interested in sticking around that area where he, his whore (and her people) and his people lived. Like everything else that night, he didn’t answer, he just sat there lighting one cigarette after another and pouring more and more vodka into his tumbler. When he didn’t answer I said, “Well good luck with living here by yourself, because there is no way your mother will not want to move in with you so she can stop paying rent.” That’s been her problem with me since my oldest daughter died. She was always begging to live with us so she could spend her retirement money frivolously as she has done her whole life with the money she earned, as she has successfully taught her children to do as well. There has been times in which his sister had two sofas, two refrigerators, two this, three of that simply because “it was good deal.”
When my daughter died and we inherited her children, his mother was furious. Instead of expressing condolences, the first thing she mentioned was how there would no longer be any room for her at our house. I also told Fuckface that the whore would want to move in because her house was a shack compared to ours. A look of sheer fear covered his face. It was obvious that all the time that he was cheating, he hadn’t once thought of the consequences thoroughly, and certainly not what would happen to our house. I know somewhere in his little stupid pea brain he thought that when I found out that he was cheating I would leave him and take our daughter, and my grandchildren and he would be financially free to spend his money however he wanted. Or I would take the house off his hands. His attorney asked my attorney more than once what I was going to do with the house in a way that implied that Fuckface hoped that I would want the house. LOL! As if! Not even considering the condition of the house or the upside-down mortgage, I would not willingly live in that area of the country after getting a 27 month taste of the shitty culture there and ridiculously and unnecessarily depressed economy. The people there are dug in with their way of life. It’s grossly unappealing.
I feel like I’m saying so much to get to the point, but, I feel that I need to say what I’m saying.
As it happens, the whore has sold her house. Isn’t that hilarious? She has held on to that house through three marriages and now she has sold her house and moved into our old house with Fuckface. I’m sure his mother is already there or not too far behind (as in waiting for her lease to be up). The whore’s comeuppance will be losing the money she gained from the sale of her house. He is a master siphon. She had better hope they get married because after she loses that $200,000 she will be without a home of her own. It’s so financially stupid for them to move into “our” old house. The tax rate is 3-4 times greater than the town of her house. It’s further away from both of their jobs. It’s a extremely larger house which requires more heating and cooling, and the home values are depreciating in the area by the hour. Without a doubt it is an insanely stupid financial decision. And, I am quite sure the decision was driven by the whore being determined to take over the house I was mistress of, and his mother’s desire to get into the house that I denied her entrance to.
It’s so funny. I know he will get his hands on the whore’s money. I know it. He goes through windfalls like a marathon runner drinks a cold bottle of spring water. The twenty years I was married to him I witnessed several such windfalls. One big one was $75,000 in involuntary separation pay he got when he was medically discharged from the military. He kept spending and spending and spending. On little stuff too, like Starbucks for the whole family, every evening on his way home from work. No one needs that much sugar much less to spend that much money on sugared drinks. I suggested that we put $25,000 away, then $15,000 and then $5,000. He was so worried that I would get my hands on some money that he refused to allow me to tuck the money away. In just 13 months after getting that $75,000, he had to borrow against his retirement in order for us to have a down payment and first month’s rent to move when we were forced to relocate from a development that had been slotted for demolition and rebuilding. Imagine the worst case of someone whose money is “burning a hole in their pocket” and multiply it by 100 and that is him when he has money.
I will admit up until I was about 32 years old I wanted too much and spent too much. Eventually, things started becoming just things, and those things became clutter and no longer brought that feeling of meaning something as they did before, and I stopped desiring so much. I call it maturity.
I’m almost giddy with crowing. Sure, it will take a few years, but it’s there. He will refinance behind her back. He will justify the spending (the house needs this or needs that), and if they get married, and then eventually get divorce, he will owe more on the house than she will get back if they split a sale. This means not only will she never see the $200,000 again she will have to start all over without a home. Welcome to my world. LOL!
I’m so sure about this because the man is over 50 and has been drinking since he was 12. Of course when I was dating him he said he didn’t have his first drink until he was 28 and he only did then because he was celebrating his divorce (that I found out was a whole three years before I met him). I would call that a very long celebration. He claimed he didn’t start smoking until he was in the military. Another lie that later came out to be a habit he started in his teens. There was always some excuse why this or that credit card wasn’t paid on time, why this or that credit card was maxed out.
People change, but this is not one of those cases. You don’t go from drinking, smoking, spending and wasting money, and not communicating well into your 50s to suddenly stop being that way. Yeah, I say I am seeing his and hers misery on the horizon already.