All Is Not Fair With Infidelity

I hate how needy I can be.  I also hate the blatant sexism that I see on “Infidelity” blogs.  Of course women can and have been cheaters.  However, I’m willing to bet that more men are cheaters than women are.  What makes it even more devastating is how more men are the breadwinners, thus, leaving the unemployed or minimally employed woman in a worse position.  Divorce causes more women to plunge into poverty than men.

His research found that men, meanwhile, tend to see their incomes rise more than 30 percent post-divorce. Meanwhile, the poverty rate for separated women is 27 percent, nearly triple the figure for separated men.

So all is not equal in the Infidelity world, even when the cheated on his the male.

How does that bother me? Other than I’m fucking broke, can’t get a job (and the stress of knowing that every interview and/or typing test is life or death is causing me not to do as well as I normally can), have four children to support and  the alimony is taking forever to come through the support enforcement system, it bothers me because clearly I have this blog to reach out.  I’m in a desperate situation.  I have no support system and the few family members I have cannot bear to listen to it over and over.  To be honest, I can’t bear to tell them the same story over and over.  Because we all know, “we” meaning the women who get cheated on, chose the cheater once upon a time.  “You should’ve known he was going to be a cheater?”  How exactly?  Did I get a crystal ball before my wedding?

Nevertheless, the one thing that is free — human interaction over the internet goes to… guessed it MEN!  That’s right.  Let a man cry how he was cheated on, or let a man have a blog about his horrible ex-wife or how he cannot see his children and cheated-on women will flock to him and give him all the support in the world.  For some reason, no one dismisses him for not having seen it coming.  Or for not having his own little nest egg, etc.  Let a woman talk about how she has found a man post-divorce, and she is the Belle of the Ball.

Here my blog sits, and crickets.  I have gawkers.  Oh sure, people like to come and gawk, but almost ZERO fucking support.  Yes, I’m angry, because so many “chumps” are fucking frauds. Being cheated on hasn’t taught them anything. The priority is still chasing dick, if not specifically chasing dick, then kowtowing and giving those cookies to men.  Talk about not deserving to be a victim. There lies the sexism, right there.  How dare a male be made a victim by a woman. Oh how it has to be doubly hard for him!  You know, even though his income will increase while mine goes nowhere.

It’s like how precious the general perception of the the stay-at-home dad is.  “Oh, look at him at the park with his children, what a great dad.”

Yeah, he isn’t doing anything women haven’t done for centuries.



10 Comments Add yours

  1. The response of women to women is special. We are a very judgemental lot. I would like to cite out how I recently called out a commentor on an advice column for being awful. The complaining woman among other things had mentioned that she did not feel emotionally connected to her husband, and husband had sex irrespective of her wishes. So much so, that this lady was just shutting down in dread over the fact that the night would come and hubby would do his thing every day. The commentor (a lady!) actually asked the complaining woman to get her sorry self up, and to consider the sex as the business, and husband’s need! Can you believe it! I was the first person who called out the commentor for being apathetic.

    Second, my husband is complimented all the time for lot of things. Oh, he took the kids to the park. I went to an academic conference out of town recently, and obviously he took care of the kids. He got complimented for that too! What about me? I do it every single day!

    It is so unfair, indeed.

    I may not comment, but please know that between your cheater and you, I stand by you. I do not understand a few legal things here and there, but that’s just because my country is different.


    1. williexplode says:

      Thank you.

      What a prick that guy is. The solution isn’t to go outside his marriage. The solution is to find out why the desire for sex is gone. And until that happens the husband is expected to remain supportive and faithful. I didn’t mess around when my husband cried about his back all the time or his impotence. We all know it was due to drinking too much. Drinking too much makes a limp dick. It was his job to flush out his demons, the demons that drove him to drinking all the time . I took him to the pool of water, it was his job to hydrate, and it was my job to support him.. It wasn’t my job to go out and find someone else willing to to have sex.

      Another thing, I don’t think if the wife was willing (as the commenter insisted) to have sex it would’ve made a difference to her husband. A cheater cheaters because he wants to. If it wasn’t her lack of desire for sex as his excuse, it would’ve been something else.


  2. I’m so sorry you are not finding the support here you need. i myself will work on that. I actually started following you because you are no longer with your H and i need to see how that goes because I want to leave so bad I can taste it but I cant find the strength, courage or finances I need to do that so i feel i have nothing of use to offer you, you are already many steps ahead of me and an inspiration to me and i need your knowledge.


    1. williexplode says:

      I read about how a lot of women miss their husband as their friend,etc. I don’t miss that. Because that is over. He couldn’t comfort me EVER again after what he did. All he can do for me is give me my alimony money. I think a woman should leave when she is ready to leave and I don’t like when other women try and tell a woman when she needs to go. She will go when she is ready. My suggestion would be if you have an opportunity to get your hands on some money, take it. If you work, slowly start withdrawing from things you have been paying for. Hopefully you live in a state with alimony. I never thought I would get alimony. Since our only child was 17, I expected a few months of child support. Lucky for me, he moved us to an alimony state. The problem is, it has taken 3-4 for the wage garnishment to start. I got a letter today telling me not to expect anything until April. Still, no one asked me for bank account information so I’m assuming there will be paper checks. I will have to call tomorrow and hold for hours, I’m sure. It’s the stress of not knowing how I am going to pay to live. If I had somewhere to go, a family member, etc. that would be one less stress.


      1. I wish you had more help an support


    2. Betrayed Bitch,

      Just like you, I am still a part of my “happy family”. I know that I am odd on that, but a lot of my perspective has changed. I haven’t cowered or hung my boots. Cheateree has broken up with his whore, and he knows that this is his LAST transgression. After this, there will be no turn back for me. I am financially independent, and I thank myself for that every single day. This thing that I have kept working, and work on my resume gives me the spring to leave any day I want. Why I am here is to document the what’s happening of my life post this. I lap up Chump Lady, because I know where to go whenever I would need help, and reading her articles, really opened up my eyes, ears and mind about stuff.

      And always trust your intuition. My guy was too smart. Only my gut feeling saved me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. If I had a good paying job I know I would be gone 🙂 I’m glad you’re not stuck.


      2. Thank you, BB. It is still ironic though.


  3. SpaghettiSam says:

    I’m sorry you’re not finding the support you had hoped to find. Blogging can be tricky. I’ve been at it for 2 years now and if I get 2 or 3 comments it’s a big day.

    I was where you’re at now a year ago. I was working 2 jobs, the ex wasn’t paying support, my life was pretty much gray and empty. I get it. It’s almost impossible to try to look up and believe anything good is ever going to happen again. Truthfully? There is no magic formula and no assurance that everything will be okay. It probably will be but I’m not going to promise you that it will be.

    I have a college degree and work experience but I had been out of the workforce for more than 15 years. I looked for a job for 3 months before I finally got hired as part time seasonal help at Target. It paid $11/hour and I went in to work at 4 in the morning; when the Christmas holiday came closer I would go in at 2 and 3. I hauled pallets out to the aisles while the truck was being unloaded, unloaded the pallets and stocked shelves. That job didn’t pay enough to pay the bills and support my kids so I found a second job working retail at Kohl’s for $10/hour. That was a fun December. Nothing but sleep and work basically. I finally began my full-time job in January, again making $11/hour and only being scheduled for 37.5 hours. I thank God every day for my mother because if it wasn’t for her generosity my kids and I would be living in a homeless shelter.

    It’s tough for us women who were stay at home moms. It’s especially tough for those of us who are over the age of 35 or so. And it’s definitely not fair that men’s standard of living generally goes up after a divorce while women’s goes down. My ex is an excellent case in point. Although he took a major pay cut to go back to Kentucky and move in with his cousin/girlfriend, she makes almost as much as he does now so he is actually living on more than what he made when he was the single breadwinner in our home. Even with what he pays in spousal and child support they are still living on more than what I live on and the discrepancy will only grow wider as my kids age out of child support.

    I hope that you are soon able to collect the support he owes you. I know that I finally felt like I could breathe again once the ex sent me the back support he had been ordered to pay.

    I truly do hope it gets better for you soon.


    1. williexplode says:

      Not having to worry about having a place to live helps a lot. However, with that worry hanging over my head it’s not so easy.


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