Do you want to know why your [ex-] husband and his whore is so worried about you?

At this point I feel like I’m beating a dead horse by talking about that tramp once again, but I have to remember how applying the same simple rule of repetition worked for learning my multiplication table in 3^rd grade can also work at saving me any mental anguish when I have to deal with the whore and her prize (a.k.a my drunk ass loser ex-husband) antics.

First, let me say, I am conscious of how horrible it sounds talking about a man who I chose to marry and remain married to for over 20 years.  But that is the betrayal, isn’t it.  When we are married without infidelity, it is our choice to tolerate our mate’s unfavorable behavior (i.e. blowing money, drinking and/or smoking) or not.  However, when infidelity and subsequently financial abandonment are brought into the picture, our choices are compromised.  We are left with no choice other than picking up the pieces on our own, and that often initiates the removal of the sugar-coating that concealed the ugliness.

That is, if you don’t decide to try to get him back.  That has never been an option for me. Cheating has always been a deal breaker.  I don’t know many things in life, but I do know my limitations. At this point, I’m not even interested in understanding why I can’t tolerate infidelity; I just know that I can’t.  And I have an enormous visceral reaction when someone asks me if I would take him back.  It’s a combination of repulsion and insecurity.  The insecurity lies in a desire to convince the questioner beyond any shadow of a doubt that I would absolutely not take him back, under no circumstances, EVER!  Now that, to me is worthy of self-reflection.  Why do I need so desperately to convince others that I most certainly would not have him back, EVER, when I know that I will most certainly not take him back under any circumstances?

It is in fact the betrayal with the careless disregard for my and by proxy our daughter, and my oldest daughter’s children (in which I am guardian) financial well-being (which translates to having food and shelter) that not only rips off the sugar-coating but reveals the rotten and poisonous interior that will forever make him excessively undesirable and inordinately repulsive. Nothing justifies putting us in a position that we may go without food and shelter.  Anyone who is willing to do that is not worthy of consideration. Morally trash.

That unworthy hideous creature is the beast the whore procured for herself by interfering in our marriage.   When his act of infidelity revealed to me the beast he truly is, there is no way the cheater and the whore didn’t see it as well.  In other words, he knows he and she are horrible, she knows that she and he are horrible, and they both know that I know that they both are horrible human beings.  Their level of consciousness with what they know is another story.  The knowledge of their foulness may not be apparent to them on the surface, but they know.  It’s in there, more than likely buried deeply.  If not, they couldn’t be living it up right now.  Or at the very least, believing that they are living it up.   No sane human could handle consciously knowing they are that terrible and still function in the same sphere in which decent human beings interact. They are on their own plane of reality.

However, we all know, or at least all of us who are compassionate and thinking humans, know that repression can only be combated for so long. You can self-medicate, distract, divert, stomp and throw a temper tantrum, but eventually reality fights to come up from the bottom of the trench and take a glimpse over the parapet into no man’s land.

I have been 100% no contact since after the night I confronted him.  I don’t need to see them on Facebook (I have both of them blocked).  I don’t need to google them.  Curiosity has not gotten the better of me, because they are without a doubt, filth.  I wouldn’t go looking for a pool of vomit on the sidewalk or dog shit in the grass.  Yet, every couple of months I have to deal with some antic resulting from when they came looking for me.  Remember, each of them were worth destroying a marriage over, interfering with a high school senior going straight into college, and displacing three young orphans yet again.  Supposedly, their “love” was worth all of that.  In reality, their horribleness was worth all of that, —to them.  They re-word, re-purpose, and re-tell in order to live with their reality.

Nonetheless, here they are, creating fake Facebook accounts to see my few public posts, (actually, I only have one public post in which I attempted to appeal to a manufacturer that made a crap piece of appliance that is less than two years old).  How do I know this?  Because they created a fake ad using the same receipt that I posted in my appeal to said appliance company and created a C.raigs.list listing using my email address. Now they don’t have my password so the listing was never posted.  But the listing went to my email (an old one) for me to see.  C.raigs.list does that.  You create the profile of what you are selling then you have to confirm it through your email for it to go live.  Of course, the ad had horrible things to say about me.  The first line indicated how I was selling said appliance because of my stupidity and how I had stolen said appliance from my poor innocent husband, blah blah blah.  If their purpose was to hurt me, it didn’t work.  Actually, what happened was I almost felt some sympathy for them.  How uncomfortable and miserable must their lives be.  How controlling their need to feel relevent to me must be to rationalize expending energy chasing me. How consumed with anguish their minds must feel to go to such lengths to suppress the reality of their character while also trying to convince themselves they are victims of my existence.   I haven’t even been able to get a good laugh out of it.  It’s just pitiful.