My divorce was final in September 2017. Although it was stated in the divorce decree that I am to receive alimony each week, I have yet to receive one red cent. Here it is going on February 2018. I knew this would happen. That is why I refused to accept any settlement unless wage garnishment was included. Throughout the process whenever I was adamant about a particular detail, my attorney would dismiss me as unreasonable. See, it’s not just your cheating spouse who does not like your unwillingness to eat a shit sandwich, it’s everyone along the process as well. And let me tell you, never are your senses as heightened as when you have survived a divorce with a callous prick who isn’t willing to agree on anything easily, not even a default 50% of the his pension which is a divorce industry standard for a working spouse/homemaker couple. No one in the divorce business wishes you well. It’s all about suffering and they are going to make you suffer.
When I first mentioned demanding wage garnishment up front, my attorney responded with, “I’m not going to do that. You are going to have to take him back to court after he doesn’t pay.” In other words, “I need to secure future business from you.”
One time in court, a case that came before one of my motions was about a woman who was not happy with her attorney. She had already invested all of her money and the attorney was being a jerk and not trying to understand her concerns. The way he was talking to the judge about her, he came off as insenisitive and a royal asshole. But, because she had invested so much money already, the judge talked them into working it out.
It’s the retainer that keeps you from changing attorney, especially when you no longer have any money. I interviewed three attorneys before I selected mine. The retainer was a whopping $6,000. That money was gone before the divorce even started. That money was gone when the asshole ex-husband, his whore, and his mother applied (it’s a free service) for restraining orders against me (all denied, because I never texted, emailed, called, or bothered any of them) (I still suffer thinking every knock at the door will be harassment. Only now that I’m over a 1500 miles away am I beginning to feel a little at ease). What the attorney didn’t tell me was that he didn’t have to be with me in court for those hearings. If I had been guilty or if there was some evidence that made me look guilty, perhaps. There was no evidence so he didn’t need to be there. Instead, his office would say, “Do you want Attorney Xxxxx in court with you during the hearing.” Well, why wouldn’t I want the attorney in court with me? Duh! It was only weeks after I discovered my ex-husband was cheating, and only days after I confronted him and went to the attorney to file for divorce. I had to file for a divorce swiftly, because I didn’t have a drop of faith that we would be supported financially while he was off fucking with a whore. I haven’t worked for pay outside of the home in 19 years. I was shell-shocked, and attorneys take advantage of that. They ask you questions and expect answers immediately. I remember one such time the attorney kept going on about, “It will be without prejudice,” and then looked at me as if I should agree right then and there because after all, “it would be without prejudice.” How about giving me some time to process what that means exactly.
There is so much talk about privilege, sometimes so much so that people don’t bother to think of others anymore because they chalk everything up as blah blah blah blah blah privilege. Nevertheless, when I read all of these backslapping accolades about throwing a man out, my first thought is, “Will she be able to pay the rent/mortgage and utilities in the middle of winter with children?” That does not ever seem to be the issue at hand when women are congratulating each other for being mighty. Not that I would keep a cheater as a lot of old-timers tried to advise me to do at the time. I was however bracing myself (and by proxy, the children) for the homeless shelter, I really was. Money (and living around a support system) makes being mighty a lot easier, that’s for sure. And not having any money and/or a job and not living around a support system makes being mighty a lot harder. My husband moved us from the West Coast to the East Coast where we (the children and I) didn’t know anyone and he knew everyone, including his family.
After I secured support (mortgage and utilities) from the husband via pendente lite, my attorney acted as if I was being a gold-digger for expecting some type of cash payment too. He actually said, “Not everyone gets free rent.” Well, it was not exactly free. The house was going to Fuckface after the divorce, so of course he should continue to pay the mortgage. Besides, he wasn’t paying rent at the whore’s house. Okay, the mortgage and the utilities were being paid, but how were we expected to live? Oh, I know, I was to get a job. Right. Right in the middle of me going to school and juggling four children. The school had been on the table for some while because it was my plan to go back to work after I completed my program. Which to this day is incomplete because who can concentrate on school when you don’t know how your children are going to eat or where they are going to live. It’s as if no divorce attorney has ever read Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, —-or was it just me who took that theory to heart. The few times I approached my attorney about the way he was coming off, he denied any such behavior. Guess what though, he has a bumper sticker on his car that reads, “Welfare is not a lifestyle choice.” What is that expressing?
The reviews for my attorney and his partners were five stars. Everyone raved. Therefore, I believe his ugliness toward me has been personal. He doesn’t like me and I think it is for one reason only. I was a stay at home spouse or specifically, a stay-at-home-female. The fact that our teenager got into every university she applied to, has never done drugs, or gotten into trouble means nothing. The fact that my grandchildren have done well in school (even though they suffered the tragedy of losing their mother at a very young age) doesn’t mean anything. The fact that my ex-husband never had to worry about what he was going to eat for dinner, wear to work, or juggle schedules meant nothing to this arrogant and callous attorney (and to be honest the whole divorce industry). I did tell him flat out that in the future he needed to consider not taking on clients who have been staying at home during the marriage. Naturally, he met that advice with defensiveness.
Here I am now though without alimony. I did get the wage garnishment in the divorce decree. But let me tell you about that. I asked the attorney and his incompetent paralegal back in September about the wage garnishment process. They kept going on about how alimony wouldn’t start until I was out of the house. Well, we had a date that I was going to be out of the house, December 31, 2017. So, I said what could we do to get the wage garnishment started so that I will have some money when I am out of the house, you know, in order to pay rent for me and four children. “Oh, don’t worry about that, your ex-husband is court ordered to pay the alimony to you until the wage garnishment starts.” Now, this is the man who cheated, lied about dying, moved in with his whore after he was confronted, and then tried to get out of supporting his family. Right. That man is going to willingly pay alimony until the wage garnishment starts? Well folks, wage garnishment hasn’t started and he hasn’t paid a dime. And it looks like it will take several months before wage garnishment starts. Something, I had the foresight to see and was ignored by my attorney and his paralegal (who I believe is a drunk or incompetent, because I have to talk her through every single document, i.e. she couldn’t find the one sentence in the divorce decree that said the alimony would be wage garnished and instead of looking harder, she tried to argue that it was not in the document. And of course no apology after she actually found it.) I strongly suggested that they (the attorney and/or paralegal) either start the paperwork for the wage garnishment in October or point me in the right direction. “No, no, we can’t do that because if the wage garnishment starts before you are out of the house it will be a big mess.”
The process could have been most certainly started in October without risk of a dime being paid before I was out of the house. Because, first a four page document has to be filled out. That document has to go to the court clerk’s office where they will verify the validity of the document’s information based on the divorce decree. When that is verified and certified, it is sent back to the person who will be receiving the money. That person (me) has to fill out another form, and along with the verified four-page form I have to send it to support enforcement. Then support-enforcement has to process it and contact the obligor’s (the asshole who is court-ordered to pay, my cheating stinking loser bean counting fuckface ex-husband) employer with instructions. The employer has a set amount of time (30-60 days) to begin wage garnishment. That money then goes back to support enforcement. Once support enforcement knows money is coming (or has come), they will contact the person (me) who is owed the money and set up arrangements for me to receive the money (via, direct deposit, paper check in the mail, etc.).
On what planet in the history of the world has that type of red tape been resolved in less than 3-4 months?
Then add in how the paralegal put the wrong social security number for my ex-husband on the forms and you have a woman out in the world with four children and no alimony.
But I’m the bitch and they (the lawyer and the paralegal) are the victims of an ungrateful bitch who don’t appreciate that they secured wage-garnished alimony in a legal document. Yet, I was the one who pushed for that wage garnishment, not the attorney.
I am a bitch. I don’t deny that. Not only am I a bitch, I am a competent bitch with laser sharp focus on getting my fucking money. That focus was born out of dealing with an asshole ex-husband and a divorce industry that does not see someone who has been cheated on as human, especially someone who has stayed at home. Cheating is the new norm, don’t you know?
I am a bitch because I am out in the world with four children and I have rent to pay. We cannot be productive in the world if our shelter is threatened! We cannot look for jobs clearly, interview adequately, study positively, and function at our best if our basic human needs are threatened.
HOW FUCKING HARD IS THAT TO COMPREHEND?