Infidelity dialogue usually always includes the topic of missed red flags. I know I talk about the warnings I missed. I can’t stop. I don’t know why. It has to be part of the recover process. Why else would I return to the red flags over and over again?
Indulgence? Glutton for punishment? Or, on a more positive note maybe it is necessary for a clean and healthy outcome. I’m in survivor mode right now.
When I think of a red flag warning that I didn’t heed, I ask myself why, and how at the time, did I rationalized the warning away. I know reviewing the past will not change the past. However, there has to be a reason why I ignored the warning. Maybe if examining old missed red flags won’t change the past, perhaps it will change the future, –for the better. I not only want to survive, but to thrive.
I think we ignore or miss red flags because society as a whole conditions us to bury deeply warnings that are counterproductive to the agenda of predators. Particularly since the western world is a consumerist culture, television, movies, advertisements, stores, and people with addictive behaviors who desire enablers (misery loves codependency) work in unanimity to pull us farther and farther away from our instincts. They need suckers. It’s a shame. Everyone should be able to trust and be trusted, but maturity and experiences show us that is not always the case.
Nevertheless, finely honed instincts act as Kryptonite to debauchery. That’s why so many cheaters resort to gas lighting. They don’t want you to believe what your instincts are telling you, because your instincts are usually right.
Life goal: Get in touch with my instincts and when they speak, listen.