In the first part of this post about how infidelity exposes cowardliness, I mentioned how it is the injured spouse who has to resolve the conflict that the cheating spouse created when he avoided addressing the initial problem at home. When children are involved, including adult children, many people will turn to the woman/wife/mother and expect/demand for her to take “the high road,” for the children. No one asks the cheating male to take “the high road.” Cheating is not the high road; it’s the underbelly of the low road. It’s as if society is saying these males are expected to be horrible and it is everyone else’s job to pick up after their messes. And there are women standing in line to pick up his mess too.
The woman who is willing to take in a married man is usually his lonely mother or a desperate promiscuous woman with low self-esteem. Everyone can understand a mother’s protection to a certain extent, especially if he has been able to hide his horribleness from her, if she is amoral, and/or she has an unhealthy attachment to him. There are mothers out there who would very much like their sons to be their husbands. Hopefully, the desire to have sex with him is repressed, but she certainly wants all the other benefits from her son that comes from having a husband. Understanding that, it is easy to see why a mother is the one standing there waiting to catch him after he behaved abominably to his wife and children. There is something in it for her. It’s a symbiotic relationship. In fact, the benefits are so strong for her that she may had orchestrated the entire breakup, especially if he is a weak man who never did the emotional heavy lifting that it takes to separate oneself from one’s mother, particularly, if that mother was emotionally abusive to him as a child. In addition, if the mother had a divorce herself, she may attempt to change the outcome of her divorce through her son’s divorce. Of course, she cannot actually change the outcome of her divorce but she can live through him in an attempt to feel like she changed the outcome. A kind and compassionate woman wouldn’t want anyone to suffer what she suffered, but a mean and nasty woman who failed to progress emotionally through life would derive pleasure from knowing that another woman is suffering the same fate.
It’s self-explanatory why a desperate promiscuous woman with low self-esteem would take in a married man. She is used to picking up the scraps and thinking nothing of it.
What is most revealing among this trio of emotionally stunted adults is how the man could not leave his marriage without already having another woman. Men rely on women to pick up their shit. Why would he live on his own and have to do for himself if he can get some woman to do for him? And it is that reality that exposes the character of the desperate promiscuous woman with low self-esteem who takes in the married man. If she were a confident woman with positive and ambitious life goals, she wouldn’t lower herself and accept a man who has not shown that he can be a man in his own right. But naturally, co-dependency prevails.
No decent and hard working woman should take in any man until he has proven that he can be his own man. But it’s arrogance. With all of her past failures with men, the homewrecker still believes she can do something with this particular married man that his wife was not able to accomplish.
It is not until women stop giving refuge to emotionally stunted men will these men ever do the mental work and become emotionally healthy men.